Are You The Family Coordinator?

N2hwcG1436474233Quite often as part of family life there is one person who is in charge at home. This is not to say that they are the boss but rather those who juggle all the schedules, tasks and chores in their minds. They are the source of all the information and the coordinator of family life. Usually it is Mums, sometimes it is Dads and sometimes it is shared.

I am our family coordinator. My husband helps a lot. He does chores and pulls his weight when he is at home so I have no complaints on that score. We share out tasks but I am the one who knows all the details of what we need to do, what is coming up and what will need to be done next. I know where everything is, who has what in their lunch boxes, what illnesses have happened already and all the fine details of how to treat new ones.

As the family coordinator most things comes through me. When I was under the weather the other day I began craving a bit of peace and quiet with no demands on me. I found myself getting irritable and annoyed at all the questions and requests coming my way even though my husband was home. In that moment of being ill I realised that I mostly love being the coordinator but at sometimes it can become too much.

There are of course advantages and disadvantages to any role in life. There are times that we can connect with the things we like and others when all we can feel is the things we don’t like. That moment when I wanted to be left alone started me thinking about the pros and cons of being the person who juggles family life. Here is my list.

 

– It is great to be the centre of everything.

– It is lovely to feel so valued and needed.

– It is nice that we have a significant impact in the direction of family life

– It is rewarding

 

On the other side though there is the fact that…

 

– It involves constant thinking and planning which is tiring at times

– It uses up a lot of mind space so it can be difficult to hold onto other information

– Being in demand all the time is tough particularly when we are ill or too tired

– All the complaints come to us

 

Being a family coordinator involves constant thinking and uses up a lot of mind space Click To Tweet

 

Let me know who is your Family Coordinator. What are the advantages and disadvantages for you? I would love to hear how it works in your house. I really appreciate all comments and reply to every one.

So what is next?

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78 thoughts on “Are You The Family Coordinator?

    1. I am the same Izzie. whilst at times it drives me crackers, if I had the choice, I wouldn’t change it. I find it good to acknowledge that for those moments when I am stressed at it. Thanks for commenting.

    1. Yes I do know what you mean. I think with the advent of children there is so much work that there is a natural division of labour. I wouldn’t be able to step into my husbands job (even if it was my field of expertise too) and do it as effectively as him. Likewise it is often down to the person who is at home the most to coordinate all the complexities of family life therefore they become the resource point for everything at home. A bit of initiative is always good though!! Thanks for stopping by.

        1. Hi Debbie. I get a lot from your comments because it reminds me of that other perspective. I get to think from another viewpoint. It has been nearly ten years since I had no children and your view helps me reconnect to that. So thank you.

    1. Hi Ali. We kind if get used to it don’t we. It can be tough to loosen the reigns even when we get a chance to. Control freak allowing, I think it gets easier as the children get older. Thanks for commenting and hosting this week.

  1. My husband helps with the chores a lot and I am grateful for that, but when it comes to medical, dental appointments its down to me. I also organise our social calendar, so much so I am given the title ‘Social Coordinator’ however my husband does have the role of ‘Chief Financial Officer’ lol
    Carly aka mummy recently posted…Cauliflower Base PizzaMy Profile

    1. I love that you have job titles. I am going to have to think of some for us. How exciting. It can be a really lofty title too, if I want! Thanks for your comment Carly. You made me smile.

    1. Hi Claire. This is the general consensus that I am getting. It is great to acknowledge that we wouldn’t have it differently because it helps with those times when we are hating it. Thanks very much for your comment.

  2. I am the fmaily co-ordinator. We have a”family calander” on the kitchen wall that I regularly update. My wife regularly adds to it, but if something isn’t added I make quite clear that the event does not exist and will not be attended! #BigFatLinky
    John Adams recently posted…Before I had a wife. . .My Profile

    1. Hi John. I like that and may find that a great tip for the future. It is not always easy to juggle the numerous events of each person in the family. I am looking forward to reading your post ‘Before I had a wife’. Thanks for commenting.

    1. Hi Lisa, I think it naturally suits some of us more than others. i am there with you on the housework. I can do it but it is not something I aspire to keep up with. Thanks for commenting.

    1. This is really interesting. I wondered about the shared set up. I can see those disadvantages of things being missed. Thanks for sharing.

    1. Hi Emily. It is great to share the work load of family life. I have a lot of help even though all the details are in my head. I also know it sets a great example to the children about parents working together. Thanks for commenting and hosting your fab binkylinky

  3. I am the family coordinator in our house and definitely feel along similar lines to yourself. It is both a blessing and a curse. I think it is one of the reasons I feel tired all the time. We have 4 children and know that the protective factors are keeping them connected to community and that means running them around and essentially being a taxi. I also find all the decision making stressful at times. I love it when I have others in my life make a decision for me! Did I mention that I love being needed. Mel xx
    Melanie Greenhalgh recently posted…Round the World in 7 MealsMy Profile

    1. Hi Melanie. It is such a mixed bag of feelings it brings doesn’t it. In your comment alone you mention stressful, tired and love for the role. You sum it up really well ‘It is both a blessing and a curse’. Like much of being a mother it crates a whole host of feelings in us. Thank you for commenting on The Guilt Free Guide.

  4. Yes definitely me. I do all the ‘home & kids’ stuff and Hubby works. He does help out. he is good, but I feel as though I hold the family together. It is exhausting but I like it that way – I like being in control 😉 Thanks for linking up and sharing, enjoyed reading this and the comments xx

    #SundayStars
    mummyofboygirltwins recently posted…Sunday Stars linkyMy Profile

    1. I am so on the same page. It is interesting that how you word it. ‘I feel as though I hold the family together’ is a very good way to word it. When there is one coordinator then it really does feel that nothing will work in our absence. Of course it will but many things get missed. Thanks for commenting.

    1. I think team work is great when possible. It shares the pressure and it is easier to understand the stresses each other is under. Although having said that many people have said that they are the coordinator and wouldn’t have it any other way. Thanks for hosting your great #binkylinky and commenting.

  5. Yep this is definitely me – Hubby is trying to get better but he just doesn’t have the head space. He has however realised how much thought processing it takes up and has started saying thank you when I arrange a day out or something similar, plus he’s encouraging Monkey to do it too :D. So I don’t mind xx #momsterslink
    Mudpie Fridays recently posted…Aliens Loves Underpants Theatre ShowMy Profile

    1. Hi Clare. It is so important to be valued for what we bring. In an ideal world we would all be valued for the sheer hard work that being a mum is. I am so happy to hear that you have that. It makes the world of difference. Thanks for adding your voice to this discussion. It is much appreciated.

  6. I’m definitely the family coordinator I think probably because I’m at home more. We still have responsibilities we manage separately, like he does the bins and I do the laundry etc but since having a baby I’ve become more of a family coordinator. I like it though – it makes me feel in control. #SundayStars
    Emma’s Mamma recently posted…Pink conversationsMy Profile

    1. There are certainly advantages to it. Feeling in control is frequently mentioned. It is genuinely a practical thing for many of us. when we are at home much more it falls in to our laps naturally. Thanks for your comment.

  7. I am definitely this but the problem is with all the other stuff I do, things get missed and forgotten. My hubby’s friend will have a baby and he won’t send a card and I will be busy and forget! Things like that. I think a shared role can be more helpful, as I also find problems sleeping raise their head when too much is in my brain. There are definite pros and cons. xxx mummymondays
    Sarah Howe (@RunJumpScrap) recently posted…It’s “Just a Phase”My Profile

    1. Hi Sarah. You make some very good points here. It is a lot for one person particularly when it comes on top of other duties. Interestingly some who have commented about the shared role have said that things get missed because each assumes the other is doing it. It is not just my personal experience that things do get missed by many of us because there is so much going on in family life. A bit of self kindness is important here. Thanks for commenting.

    1. I really get that. Just wanting to stop the treadmill at times can be a very powerful feeling. It doesn’t ever stop does it. Thanks for sharing your experiences.

  8. I think I am the family co-coordinator but it’s complicated in our household by the fact we’re currently living with my parents whist we sell our old house and buy one closer to my husband’s job. So, I am the coordinator for me, my husband and our boys but my mum is the overall coordinator for the house (my sisters are much younger than I am so they’re still at school and need a lot of coordinating!). Maybe that makes me the subcoordinator?
    Lady Nym recently posted…Poo You!! (Are ASD Parents Too Sensitive?)My Profile

    1. I like that. ‘A sub coordinator’ I wonder if that feels more comfortable or weird to not be in control as much? Best of luck with the new house. It is never an easy transition. Thanks for commenting.

  9. I’m the family coordinator in our house although I’ve never heard it called that before!! My husband is happy with this arrangement and is very hands on but prefers that I take the lead and get things organised however when I get burnt out I find he’s great at being my sub so long as I’m clear with what I need from him. For example the other day baby had had me up all night. I’d been fine all day but dinner time came and I was flagging so I told him. “You need to take control of dinner I don’t know what we’re having, I don’t know what’s in the house to cook I just need you to do it and not talk to me about it because my brains not working” we got Chinese for dinner but at least I didn’t have to do anything!! #mummymonday
    zoe dunn recently posted…Greenhouse Goddess #1My Profile

    1. Hi Zoe, I think that is a great way to have things and it is similar for me. Family life has so much work involved that a division of labour is crucial. However more often than not one person is that coordinator. Being able to explain you need to step away from that is good. We all need times when there are no demands on us. Thanks for sharing your experiences.

  10. This is all so true. I’m also the family coordinator in our house and sofar other than the obvious challenges, another disadvantage has been that sometimes the hubby gets so use to me making most of the decisions and planning our days, he forgets that I sometimes need him to make a decision even just to take some of it off my shoulders.

    Other than that, i kinda love being in charge…

    Thanks for sharing.
    Christine Kenny recently posted…The Reality of Having Two ToddlersMy Profile

    1. Hi Christine. Thanks you for sharing your experience. I think this issue you raise is pretty common. Once we have children couples lives can get very different from each other and it can be more of a struggle to understand the challenges each person has to face. I often just directly ask for my husband to take over or even just to be the one who says ‘No’ to the children so it is not always me. Downsides are there but there a great sense of value from being the Family Coordinator.

  11. I definitely am! I used to enjoy being the one in charge, but recently I think id quite like to take a bit of a break from that role. It would be nice not to have so many plates spinning for once! Xxx #TwinklyTuesday
    Kerry recently posted…Pretending to Be Grown UpMy Profile

    1. Hi Kerry. Plates spinning is a great image of what it is like. It can be overwhelming. I hope you can find ways to get even a little break as it does make the world of difference. Thanks for commenting. Cant wait to read your post. Sounds interesting.

  12. Yes, this sounds like me! Unless it comes to money or the cars, most things fall to me. It can be draining and frustrating at times – if hubs has a day off during the week then he will happily play with our youngest all day or muck about in the garden, and I’ll come home to no dinner and all the housework still waiting on me. And it’s not because he is lazy, its just that I know what needs done and when, and what we’re eating on what day. If I give him a list, he’ll blitz it, but I have to do the thinking. But he even mentioned this side of me in our wedding vows, so I know it is appreciated, and at home is the only place I feel on top of things to that extent, so I like feeling useful and good at something.
    @SarahAnneDG recently posted…Escaping for some family timeMy Profile

    1. Hi Sarah, It is great to feel useful and it makes such a difference when our input is valued and recognised. Some people don’t have that and it must make family life much tougher. thanks so much for sharing your experiences and leaving this lovely comment.

  13. Visiting from Twinkly Tuesday

    I would say me for doctor’s appointments, any appointment of some sort, parties, showers, weddings, etc. and then the financial aspect. But as for food and things, that’s all my husband. I would say we’ve decided this would be the best way to split things because it plays on our strengths.

    liz @ sundays with sophie

    1. Hi Liz. you make a good point. It is about playing to strengths and dividing up time. sounds like you have it well worked out. Thanks for visiting and commenting.

  14. I’m the family coordinator too! That said, I have an amazing husband who is absolutely fantastic with our little boy, cooking and any chores I ask him to help with. Sometimes I do wish he would take the initiative, but it’s all swings and roundabouts. He has patience and is level headed. I can’t claim to be either of those things! #twinklytuesday
    Jen @ 4,128 miles recently posted…POTTY TRAINING THE FIRST TWO WEEKSMy Profile

    1. Hi Jen. As another mother said, it is about playing to our strengths. When in a team we work together in the best way we can. There is no right way to do it. I am very glad you have a helpful and supportive husband. It really makes the world of difference. Thanks for commenting.

  15. I would have to say I am the everything in my house. My husband literally works, sleeps, and eats and that’s pretty much it. It is tiring yet rewarding to be my kids favorite person. Being on vacation right now though has been wonderful with my husband and I working as a team. Thanks so much for linking up with #momsterslink.
    Trista, Domesticated Momster recently posted…How I Became A MotherMy Profile

    1. Hi Trista. Needs must and family life is about splitting up the work in a way that suits everyone. It is tough when partners work all hours. I am glad you are getting to share the work load this holiday. It is so important to have that change. Thanks for sharing.

    1. Hi Chantelle. I always think it would be tough for me to step into my husbands job and know what to do and it is no different for him. As couples we just need to find a method that works for both of us. thanks for sharing your experiences.

  16. Your post has really got me thinking! Being family coordinator does fall on me most of the time, and it involves most of my least favourite things – multitasking, snap decisions, phone calls etc. For arrangements, I actually prefer not having a smartphone because I can always say I need to check the calendar (which is spread out all over my wall!) instead of rushing into things. I do like doing the financial admin and planning though. And once we have an activity planned my husband is great at organising the stuff we need to bring.
    annabelt @ geeks diet recently posted…Shark Week Food: Blue Soup with Toast Shark Fins and SurfersMy Profile

    1. Hi Anna, I like your thoughts about smart phones. I do the diary thing too and I hadn’t noticed that advantage, until now. It is tough when we are in a role that doesn’t come naturally for us but being a mum is about juggling what needs to be done and playing to our own strengths where possible. I personally don’t mind multi tasking but housework is not my thing. Thanks for your comment.

  17. I love your positive list! I’d not thought of it like that, I just thought it was the stuff we had to get out the wy before the fun starts 🙂 We share in our home. I do the day to day things such as food and the majority of the cleaning and my husband has the bigger picture tasks such as finances. This suits us as my husband hates detail and I find it difficult to make big decisions. Whilst we complement each other in this way I realise that we haven’t allowed each other to challenge ourselves and grow as individuals. We should perhaps do a swap for a month?!
    Charlene recently posted…What Is Good For Low Energy? AnonMy Profile

    1. Hi Charlene. As families we tend to divide things up based on time and our strengths. There is so much work to do that it practically makes sense but you are quite right it does then mean that we loose those other skills or just do not develop them. If you decide to do a swap, I would love to know how it goes. I am sure it will give you a great perspective and appreciation of each other. Thanks for your thought provoking comment.

    1. Hi Natasha. It is great that you have a good balance of the responsibilities. We need to play to our strengths but also being able to have help or a break is invaluable. Thanks for commenting. Have a great week.

  18. I, too, am the family coordinator for our family. And, you’re right! I love being the family coordinator, but sometimes I don’t and I need a break. Sometimes I need to be coordinated myself lol

    Nonetheless, it’s encouraging to see here on paper (the screen really) that someone else notices both the greatness and the struggle with being the coordinator. For now though, I’ll keep that label and revel in the greatness…or at least until I need a break 😉
    Life Breath Present recently posted…Music & LearningMy Profile

    1. Family coordinators need to value themselves. We do an important job that has no external recognition from it. It so easily goes unnoticed yet it is an important part of family life. I am glad that this post was encouraging for you. Revel in the greatness for as long as you can and then ask for help when it gets too much. We all need a break now and then. Thanks for sharing your experiences.

  19. I think I am!
    I do all the house chores, school runs and everything in the house.
    My partner is pretty much useless with house work. He does the garden but that is it!
    It’s quite annoying seeing that I have to pick up everything after him all the time, every day lol x
    Beth recently posted…Welcome To The World Of BloggingMy Profile

    1. It sounds like you are the one who organises everything. The family coordinator is the one who keeps everything running smoothly and remembers all of the stuff. You can be a family coordinator and still get lots of help but it would be you that would ask because you know what needs doing. I am glad you get help with the gardening. I am pretty sure you are not the first person to find their partner doesn’t notice the mess and wanders past it! Thanks for commenting Beth

    1. It really is so important Jennifer to get that break because otherwise it is endless. For me personally a break is about knowing that I wont be called on for a while. Thanks for your comment. Wishing you a great weekend. Kirsten

    1. Hi Jen. I like that idea. Being less organised can have its appeal to someone who is. Having said that I constantly loose things which I hate but then we have a good laugh at how most important things in our house need to be attached to the wall is some way to save them from me. Thanks for commenting.

    1. It is so much more than it ever looks isn’t it. Thanks for hosting you great linky and leaving a comment. Kirsten

  20. I can so relate to this. I am the family coordinator for sure. While my hubby would help me with anything I ask, I do have to ask as I know where everything is, I know the kids schedules and what’s next and how to do everything. I am a little bit controling in that way in a good way but when I am sick I know I would love to go hide in my bed to recover in peace too. Great post. Thank you so much for linking up to Share With Me. #sharewithme
    jenny recently posted…Years of friendships, and living life as it should be #littlelovesMy Profile

    1. That sounds familiar. Help will be there if I ask but everything is in my head. I am glad you enjoyed the post Jenny. Thanks for commenting.

  21. Now that I’m the only adult in the house, there’s not much question, but even when I was married, I was the coordinator. I love that role, to be honest. I end up being the coordinator everywhere I do. Birthday celebration coordinator at work? Me! Author coordinator of my blog? Didn’t start out that way, but … Me! Christmas ballet show coordinator for my daughters’ friends? Me!

    What’s hilarious is seeing my mini-me (my daughter M) turn into the coordinator. For my birthday, she arranged a playdate for her sister so that she could spend her own birthday money taking me out for dessert. (I know. I have the best kids ever.)

    Thanks for linking with #TwinklyTuesday.
    Sadia recently posted…Make-It Monday: Fun & Easy Crafts for MultiplesMy Profile

    1. It is amazing to see those skills in us develop in our children. I find it especially so when little phrases we use start being said by them. Being the family coordinator does have its upsides and it sounds like you are a natural at it. You really do have great kids. What a great thing for your daughter to do, how lovely. Thanks for sharing your experiences. Kirsten

    1. Hi Zena. There are upsides to it but it can be exhausting. I think it is a balancing act. Thanks for sharing. Kirsten

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