Learning & Growth

Learning About Ourselves Through Motherhood

~ Kirsten Toyne ~ 42 Comments

3sHurh1467901548I recently spoke to a mother who had was finding it difficult after a 3 year break from her career to get back into her old line of work. She felt confused by the knock backs because she knew that, compared to before having a child, she had learned so much of value. She knew more, could manage more. She felt better able to deal with demands and the complexities of working relationships. She explained to me that it would only take her a matter of weeks to get back up to speed and that she had so much more to offer an employer because of her experience of motherhood. Continue reading →

Are you honest? Changing the face of Motherhood

~ Kirsten Toyne ~ 108 Comments

e7o3x51443121862AAs human beings we tend to compare ourselves with others and assume that other people are more sorted, stable or capable than us. From the outside they look that way and we know ourselves from the inside with all our quirks, insecurities and concerns.

These are normal feelings which often become even stronger once we become mothers. As we strive to do the best we can for our children it is so easy to think that we are not doing well enough. Continue reading →

Fantasies of Motherhood

~ Kirsten Toyne ~ 90 Comments

s38ZUQ1432843807One of my readers gave me the idea for this blog. She mentioned that she didn’t live up to her fantasy of what a mother is. That set me thinking about the ideas that we all carry round in our heads of what motherhood will be like and more importantly, what kind of mother we will be.

For me I was quite unsure of how I would be. I had not wanted children for most of my life until a very unexpected change of heart came upon me. Finding babies slightly scary I could not really imagine myself as a mum. Continue reading →

What do you do? I’m a mother

~ Kirsten Toyne ~ 68 Comments

GG3Nnj1433443249We go through quite an identity shift when we have children because our world and priorities change forever. Whilst we realise that we are doing an exceptionally important role by being in charge of another persons physical and emotional well-being, in some circles, we are reacted to as if our lives or we ourselves are uninteresting, particularly if we give up our career to stay-at-home. Continue reading →

7 Ways Our Children Teach Us About Ourselves

~ Kirsten Toyne ~ 20 Comments

7wayslearnfromkids

The path of raising children has taught me so much about myself and I know I am not alone. All of the women I interviewed recognised that they had learnt about who they were through their children. In fact, I would be as bold as to say that bringing up little ones forces us to learn faster than if we had continued with our pre-kids lives.

Here are seven areas where our children help us to grow and learn about ourselves. Continue reading →

Our Children: Personal Mindfulness teachers

~ Kirsten Toyne ~ 18 Comments

3lL0Jf1433446577Mindfulness is all the rage now. It is a non-religious form of meditation, the process of allowing our selves to be ‘mindful’ of the present moment. When used on a regular basis it has been shown to have benefits for health, concentration, sleep, anxiety and depression.

As parents we might feel that we need a bit of calm with all the demands that having a family brings. Taking a bit of time to be in the present moment can be really helpful to counter balance the demands of having children. But it is also worth noting that children can be wonderful teachers for us, just by their very nature they can open us up to being more mindful of the moment, if we allow them to.

Continue reading →

Comparing Ourselves To Other Mothers

~ Kirsten Toyne ~ 46 Comments

rp_9RHh3v1433446787-225x300.jpgWe all do it. We watch other women with their offspring and compare ourselves. But why do we compare?

Comparing has its advantages. The thing we want from it is reassurance. When we see mothers operating in the same way we do, it is reassuring and helps us confirm our actions. When we see mothers doing things in a manor we would not, then it can reassure us too. It helps us feel okay about the choices we make by comparison. But that is not the whole story. Continue reading →