Fantasies of Motherhood

s38ZUQ1432843807One of my readers gave me the idea for this blog. She mentioned that she didn’t live up to her fantasy of what a mother is. That set me thinking about the ideas that we all carry round in our heads of what motherhood will be like and more importantly, what kind of mother we will be.

For me I was quite unsure of how I would be. I had not wanted children for most of my life until a very unexpected change of heart came upon me. Finding babies slightly scary I could not really imagine myself as a mum.

For me the shock was how much I loved my son. My joy and pleasure at my baby boy was something I had never expected. I am certainly not the mother I thought I would be. I have changed so much and learnt so much. I actually like the mother I am now more than the idea of the person I had in my mind. That is not to say that I don’t feel like I have failed plenty of times because I do, but then I bounce back and realise I am okay, not perfect but okay.

Motherhood, whilst being a much greater joy than I could have imagined, was also tougher than I thought possible. There were plenty of times I have questioned if I was doing something wrong for it to be so tough but soon learnt that I was genuinely not alone in this.

What we imagine motherhood to be, is influenced by many factors.

Our own childhood

How much we generally enjoy babies and children

How much we want to be a mother

For how long we have wanted to be a mother

Social representations of motherhood

Our idea of the mother we are going to be can have a big impact on how it is for us once we have our children, particularly initially. No one, and I say this with a degree of certainty because of all the women I interviewed, no one finds motherhood exactly as they expect it or finds that they are the mother they thought they would be. We can’t know what it is like to be a parent until we are one, not fully. It is also not how we expect partly because we learn so much, being a mother changes us. Everyone experiences some element of surprise and adjustment.

We cant know what it is like to be a parent until we are one Click To Tweet

But what if our ideas of motherhood are so far from what we expect? Well then it can be tough.

I interviewed mothers who found that the reality was not even close to what they imagined. Some had expected to take to mothering like a duck to water but did not. One mum spoke of how her own mother loved bringing up children so she assumed that she would feel the same way. But for her, the experience was quite different. She loved her child but could not devote herself to mothering entirely without loosing her emotional footing.

Another mother spoke of her long wait to have a child in which time she built up a perfect picture of what life would be like. When her wish eventually came true, the reality could in no way live up to the fantasy she had constructed.

Of course, there is no problem to finding that our ideas and reality don’t match as long as we are kind to ourselves and allow for some time to adjust. The problems occur when we make a meaning out of this difference that is unhelpful to ourselves, like,

What is wrong with me?

What am I doing wrong?

Why is it like this for me?

If this sounds familiar then my next post will be on ‘Self blame’

I would love to know if you are the sort of mother you imagined you would be and if you have surprised yourself in anyway. Was motherhood what you expected? Did you struggle adjusting your expectation?
So what is next?

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90 thoughts on “Fantasies of Motherhood

  1. What a great post. I didn’t expect to or plan to become a mum but as soon as I found out I was pregnant I knew what type of mum I wanted to be.

    I have such high expectations of myself though & always feel incredibly guilty when I realise I’m not quite reaching the (impossible) mum that I want to be.

    I still have fantasies of being this perfect mother who attends all the great baby groups, who does lots of sensory play, whose really attentive 24/7 & is teaching her all of these amazing things all of the time. In reality, this isn’t possible when you’re working. It’s probably also unhealthy because they need some degree of independence. Trying to find balance is so hard.

    I think at the end of the day, if your little one is thriving, is happy, is healthy & is safe, then you’re being the best mother you can be.



    1. Hi Chloe. It is a tough balance to strike. Children don’t need us to be perfect. They need to see that we are real people too and have flaws, so that they can accept their own limitations. Balance is a good way of describing our role as a mother. We try to get the right balance but there is no perfect way to do that. Thanks for your comment. It is much appreciated.

    1. Hi Merlinda, Thanks for sharing that difference in your expectations. Different situations have a big impact on how being a mum is for us. Motherhood with lots of support and motherhood without any is a whole different ball game. We need a degree of endurance and stamina to get through on our own and that doesn’t always come easily. In fact it is pretty tough at times. Thank you for adding to this discussion.

  2. Both my children were surprises, with my first I was incredibly young. I think I imagined motherhood as a frightening and lonely role. I was surprised to discover that motherhood, although challenging at times, is the most fulfilling and beautiful experience of my life.

    1. Hi Jessie. That is wonderful to hear. I cant imagine how it would feel to have a child very young. Daunting springs to mind but I am aware that the word might not reflect the enormity of the feeling. Fulfilling is a great word and one I personally come back to time and time again. Because even in those tough times there is something deeply fulfilling about raising children. Thanks so much for adding your voice to this conversation.

  3. This is a great post. I’m thinking really hard, though, and I cannot remember what I thought it would be like or what sort of mother I thought I would be!

    I think you are right, though, that often the more expectations someone has built up the harder it can be, as what you imagined will never turn out to be accurate. I tend to think that it is always best that people be the sort of mother that suits them. For example, some people love being a stay at home mum, whilst others love their children but would go crazy if they could not go out to work and have their adult lives. I think both are valid choices, and what matters is that you are doing what works best for your personality. If you are happy, your children will be happy, and you will be a good mother.
    Silly Mummy recently posted…JamMy Profile

    1. Giving our children a good role model a is not about doing x or achieving y, but it is about showing them how they can live a life that works for them. It goes a long way when they can see us navigating a life that works for ourselves as parents. Of course they need to see our struggles too because life is never smooth. Thanks for input into this. It is much appreciated.

  4. I don’t know what it’s like being a mother, (might have something to do with my Y chromosome). But fatherhood is so much more amazing than I ever imagined, and I’ve been waiting over a decade. Sure yeah, it’s also a lot of work, but it’s so worth it!
    Dawn of the Dad recently posted…#BeardsForBabiesMy Profile

    1. My post while aimed at women could say parents. i was like you, the surprise was about how great parenthood is. I never expected that. I am thrilled to hear that your wait was worth it and so much more than you expected. That is wonderful. Thanks for commenting.

  5. Yet another interesting post. I am definitely not the sort of mother I imagined, but I think that’s ok, so long as you can embrace and accept that rather than struggle against it. I did struggle a little at the outset, but am now happy in my skin as the mother I am. It takes all sorts after all! #binkylinky

    1. Hi Talya, It is such a big learning curve isn’t it. We learn to feel more comfortable in our role and as the person we are as a mother. It doesn’t happen overnight or on the birth of our baby but just creeps up on us. I am so glad to hear that you feel happy as the mother you are. Being happy as you is a great gift for a child. Thanks for commenting.

    1. Hi Debbie. It is hard to remember particularly when we want to do so well for our children. There needs to be an element of trust in us that they can cope with life and discover themselves through facing the not so perfect world that we all live in. Thanks for adding to this conversation.

  6. Yes you are right, there are a lot of preconceived ideas of motherhood and what it will be like! I think reading posts from moms that are honest helps a lot. It’s great to hear what people’s experiences are and everyone’s is different. I totally agree, nothing prepares you for how much love you have for your child. “Love” doesn’t even describe it! #momsterlink x

    1. Hi Becky. I agree with every thing you have said here. Sharing is invaluable and helps us relax with the unexpected side of motherhood. And love, well the word doesn’t do our feelings for our children justice, does it? In fact words fall short all the time. Thank you for your insightful comment.

  7. I actually never thought I would be a mother. I was originally told, in my 20’s, that I couldn’t have kids without fertility drugs so then I convinced myself that I was fine with not having them. Then when I met my husband and got pregnant almost immediately I was so excited that I was going to be a mommy. Now that I have 3 kids, I will admit, there are days that I just feel overwhelmed. There are days that I couldn’t imagine my life any other way and that I love them so much and then there are days that I swear I envision myself packing a suitcase and driving off into the wind! I think it’s just part of being human AND being a mom. You are responsible for so much more when you have children. Before I didn’t care what happened to me but now I worry over the slightest ache in my body for fear that somehow I am not going to be able to keep up with them. Thanks for sharing this on #momsterslink. I am sure so many mothers have emotions to share.
    Trista recently posted…Just Get Over It!My Profile

    1. Trista, it is great to hear about your experiences. what you are talking about is the contradictions of motherhood that we all have (in our own unique way of course). Being able to deal with those actually helps us in our role as moms. Thanks for a great comment and for hosting your linky.

  8. When I think of a mother, I think of my own mum, who sadly is no longer with us. Being a mum was a lot harder than I thought it would be, but it’s also more rewarding than I could ever have imagined. I question everything I do. I doubt everything I do and am always thinking that I could do things better, but I guess that’s only natural as we all want to be the best mums we can be to our children Great post. Thanks for linking up to the #BinkyLinky
    Emily recently posted…Stress busting tips for travelling with toddlers!My Profile

    1. Hi Emily. Firstly I am sorry for your loss. It can be tough though to raise children and not have that support from our own mums.

      Our mothers play a huge part in our idea of the mother we want to be, even if it an idea of a mother we don’t want to be. It sounds like your mum was a positive role model for you, which is wonderful.

      What you are describing is a common feeling, constantly questioning everything in an attempt to do the best job we can. It is a sign that you care deeply and want to do the best by your children. Lucky kids. As long as you know that your children don’t need perfect, they need you, it is okay to strive to be the best you can. Thanks for commenting.

  9. Thank you for your post. I never thought motherhood would be easy and I always thought I’d be a bit rubbish at it to be honest. I don’t really think I gave much thought to what motherhood would be like and what it would make me feel. It has been amazing, but challenging and I have loved every minute. I often feel that I am not doing the best by my boy, but who defines best? I don’t know what the answers are and I know it is a journey. It won’t be a perfect or idealistic journey, but then life isn’t.

    thank you for your post.
    Pen recently posted…Why parents should teach FeminismMy Profile

    1. Hi Pen. Lovely comment. Most of us question wether we can be doing better by our kids. It is part of caring deeply. It sounds like you are embracing the constant growth/learning involved in being a mother and that is great. Thanks for adding to this conversation.

  10. Great, thought provoking post. This is something I struggle with daily. What with working full time, seeming to always have a frayed temper and being tired a lot of the time, I often feel I am nothing like the mother I had hoped to be. It’s tough to face up to the reality sometimes, but I’m trying to accept that the fantasy was based on a person I’m not ever going to be. I need to learn to love the mother I am.

    @SarahAnneDG recently posted…See Me, I’m SNPMy Profile

    1. Hi Sarah. It is why I used the word fantasy because I don’t think anyone can live up to their idea of motherhood. The experience is impossible to know until we become a mother. It can be at once so much more and so much harder than we thought. you said ‘I need to learn to love the mother I am.” and I think that is a good starting point. It doesn’t mean we stop striving but it means we accept that there is no perfect way to be and build from there using our own strengths. Thanks very much for adding your voice to this conversation.

  11. Great post, I didn’t have any preconceived ideas…I don’t think I even thought that far ahead!! Although now my days are full of thinking ahead now. I am not as patient as I would like to be but theres always room for improvement!! 🙂 xx #momsterlink
    Mudpie Fridays recently posted…Happy Days Linky #7My Profile

    1. Hi Clare. Thanks for your comment. It does seem that some of us really think ahead about the mother we will be and others don’t picture the mother they will be. Neither is right or wrong it just shows how we differ. I think it is part of it to always be thinking ahead and backwards, to see that there is room for improvement. We care deeply and do our best to plan and learn.

  12. Such a thought provoking post. I did take to motherhood like a duck to water but even then I still found it incredibly hard at times. I will always remember the one day, 3 weeks in, when I broke down and sobbed my heart out! I had to call in back up of my sister ( who was coming round to celebrate my other half’s birthday!). Motherhood really is a roller coaster of emotions – I love it but it is hard work, especially with a ridiculously clever and stubborn toddler. There are definitely times I could be better, have more patience etc, but being a mum is just wonderful. #sundaystars
    Lisa (mummascribbles) recently posted…Children’s book review and GIVEAWAY! Lola PugMy Profile

    1. Hi Lisa, Thanks for writing about your journey. It does push us to our limits at times but then there is the love we feel that surpasses those times when it just feels too much. Thanks for adding our voice to this discussion.

  13. Motherhood really does push us to our limits at times and those fantasies don’t really help do they. I cried yesterday in fact at how hard it can be. My daughter is just like me, and so determined which in time will serve her well, but now terrifies me. Thanks for linking up to #sundaystars
    Mini Travellers recently posted…Elderflower Fields Festival ReviewMy Profile

    1. It is great to hear from you. It is a real contradiction, motherhood, isn’t it? We love it and find it tough. We value traits in our kids and find them challenging all at once. Like you I love that one of my boys is so feisty but it can be so frustrating too. That is part of the reason we can never imagine how motherhood will be for us because we cant actually see before we are a mother all those contradictions and we cant know our children’s temperaments.

  14. This is such an interesting post. Like you, I was shocked by the amount of love I had for my son, I never imagined such love was possible.

    I was 19 when I became a Mother, to some people that instantly ment I’d be a bad one, but the majority of people that have commented on my age haven’t associated it with anything bad.

    When I was pregnant, I didn’t think about what sort of Mother I’d be. Well I did a bit, but I spend most of it worrying something was going to go wrong. I didn’t have much time to think about anything else. I hate that my memories of pregnancy are ones filled with worry.

    In my few thoughts of what I’d be like, I thought I’d be quite cluless as a Mother. I really surprised myself when my son was born, I just knew what to do. Now he’s 19 months, I’m finding myself not knowing what to do, with regards to dealing with tantrums. I’m often left feeling like a failure, and experiencing a lot of Mummy Guilt. X
    Catriona recently posted…Osian at 19 Months OldMy Profile

    1. Hi Catriona, It is really great to hear your story. Like you I surprised myself with how well I did and took to it. What you are describing now is the natural learning curve of motherhood. Our children change rapidly and we have to keep learning what to do. Tantrums are a real challenge. There will be a point where you will have gone through the feeling like a failure stage and take them in your stride. That takes a while though and it also depends on the circumstances. I cant remember when I started finding it all easier to deal with. It will come. You will find your way through it. Know that this is challenging for all of us and we are not failing by having a tantruming toddler, rather it is a natural part of them growing up. If it helps, I generally wait it out and praise them for calming down.
      Thanks so much for adding to this discussion.

  15. I’m surprised by how I am as a mum. To be honest I always had visions of returning to work, but I haven’t I don’t think I could leave my kids!

    Also, I’m surprised how impatient I am. As a former teacher it is hard to “let go” when the colouring isn’t even anywhere near the lines or when the number 3 is always written back to front. But I’m trying!
    Kylie recently posted…Crunchy 5 ingredient cheese crackersMy Profile

    1. Hi Kylie. Thanks for your comment. You have made me smile because your description of the colouring reminds me of myself with our first son and his playdough. to start with I wanted to keep all the colours separate so it looked good, until I realised that it not only was life too short but that would no longer be about him playing.

      It is amazing how change and our role as a mother alters us so we do things we didn’t expect of ourselves. I have found that in developing those skills where my boys challenge me, I have grown as a person. You may even find that you get to a point where the colouring lines don’t bother you anymore. Do you think that is possible?

  16. What an interesting article. I realized that I never really had any expectations about motherhood or what type of mother I would be. Now I find that a bit strange. When I had my third child – later in life – I have developed more intention in my parenting – and I think that has made me a better mom. Thanks for a thought provoking post.
    Natasha@ Anxious Toddlers recently posted…Why I am Afraid to go Potty!My Profile

    1. Thank you for your comment Natasha, it is very thought provoking in itself. It seems like you are saying that you have applied yourself with some theory or thought behind your actions to the process of raising your third child. I love the sound of that. As a person I like to know why I am doing things. Having trained in psychotherapy has been very helpful for this (although it has its down sides). It is great to hear that your approach has ‘made me a better mom’. Thanks for commenting.

  17. Oh my, I could have written this… your experience was very similar to mine. Terrified of children, no desires to be a mother during your youth… then an unexpected change of heart and boom! You hold that tiny baby in your arms and everything changes. I agree with you whole heartedly, I never could’ve expected to be as “good” as I am at parenting (that sounds so horribly egotistical!) but I only thought my disinterest in children would produce someone who had no desire to parent…

    I think it’s safe to say that motherhood treats us all differently and surprises us in many ways. Some for the better, some for… not necessarily the worst, but there is that period of adjustment, it just may take longer for some than others.

    Thank you for sharing, I found this very insightful and well written!

    McKenzie recently posted…Oliver’s Twist on Budget Baby FashionMy Profile

    1. Hi McKenzie. It is great to hear from you. I can so relate. The fact that I hadn’t wanted to be a mother until a certain point did actually impact my experience of motherhood. I didn’t expect it to be all wonderful so the reality was a surprise. I loved it.

      I totally agree that we all learn different things. All learning is of use. Even if we find out we are not as patient as we imagined, it is all learning and growth. Thanks so much for your comment and visit to The Guilt Free Guide.

  18. Great post, I had no idea what sort of a Mum I would be, my first baby just was a huge shock to the system and I had no idea how to handle certain situations, I’m on my 2nd baby now and I feel much more confident this time around. I still have no idea what sort of a Mum I am though, hopefully a good one!

    Helen – #mummymonday
    Helen Gandy recently posted…Elarna Birth & Beyond – Update #2My Profile

    1. Hi Helen, It is a shock to the system at times. That confidence does keep building in general. There are times when we are facing new situations that we feel somewhat lost but that basic confidence remains. I am glad you feel that progress. I think I was quite different from baby one to baby two. Thanks for commenting and visiting The Guilt Free Guide.

  19. Such an insightful post. I gave this some thought and I believe I’m not the mother I thought I would be. I thought I would be allot more patient and fun, however motherhood is a juggling act and sometimes I don’t get the balance quite right. We all strive to be the best mums we can be.

    1. Hi Lianne. The realities of motherhood just cant be what we thought they would because we just cannot understand what is involved before we have our children. Patience is an issue that I have heard mentioned so many times when interviewing mothers for my book. It is so easy to imagine we will be endlessly patient when we are just with children for an afternoon but it is different with the 24/7 of parenting. It sounds like you can see that and be okay with yourself which is great. Thanks for commenting.

    1. I love your words. So succinct. ‘It manages to be the best and worst thing you do at the same time!’. You have described that conflict of the motherhood experience so well. Thank you for adding to this conversation.

    1. I know what you mean and it is something reiterated by so many mothers, on this blog and those I interviewed for my book. It is so much more wonderful and tough than we can know beforehand. Thanks for commenting.

  20. This is a great post Kirsten. I surprised myself when I had three children, I couldn’t believe that I felt like supermum, I was coping, we were doing well. When our fourth child entered the world that was it, I came crumbling down. I did not expect it to make so much of a difference but it did. It has taken me over 18 months to get where I am now, but there is still so much I am struggling to get on top of compared to when we had the three. I have had to learn to let some things go, and I’ve definitely let go of the guilt, I do the best that I can when I have the capacity to do it. Although much to my Mother’s dismay my home will never be as clean as she kept our family home growing up, I make sure I play with the children rather than be always tidying and so… that’s my choice. Until they’re a little bit older it will always be happy children vs tidy home for me, I’ve had to let my OCD calm down for now because the depression was getting unbearable. Fantastic post xxx love reading your blog #sharewithme
    Alexandra @dontcallmestepmummy recently posted…7 Steps to Simplify Your LifeMy Profile

    1. Hi Alexandra, Thanks so much for sharing this. It sounds like you have learnt a lot from your personal struggles. Depression is so tough and even more so with children to care for. But through these experiences we can gain so much insight into ourselves and life in general. I am so glad to hear that you play with your kids at times rather than having an immaculate house, there will be time for that later when they are grown. Thanks so much for your support and commenting.

  21. It’s like you are in my head 🙂 I am definitely not the mother I imagined I would be, but then saying that sometimes I really wish I was. there are days where I think I have failed, days where I wonder why I am not getting things right, most days I think I have done something to make it as tough as it is. I always blame myself. It’s really good to read I’m not alone, even though I know that deep down, it’s nice to have it reaffirmed. #sharewithme
    The L’s Mum recently posted…Baby L you are now twoMy Profile

    1. I am glad it was useful. It takes time to adjust our expectations. However it is the meaning that we make of the changes that really impact us. You might like my next post on Self blame which is looking at our interpretations of life events.

  22. I thought motherhood would be a complete breeze compared to work and thought I was getting some kind of year of work. It really really wasn’t and hence the name of my blog. ITs been my biggest achievement ever ever! 🙂 I am definitely not the mum I thought I would be but 4 years later I realise I’m an ok mum x
    Notmyyearoff recently posted…Pregnancy Diary – Week 23My Profile

    1. Hi Tas, Thank you for your comment. I am so curious now because your expectations were so different to the reality. If you feel like sharing then I would love to know how you found adjusting to motherhood when it was far from what you expected? I am so glad to hear that you know that you know you are an okay mum. Knowing that is of great value.

    1. Hi Debs. It is so not something we can understand before we get there is it? We cant know either how tough it can be or how rewarding. Thanks for hosting and commenting.

  23. So interesting that you mention our own childhood. You see my mother was wonderful but a bit uptight. Clothes had to be matching and immaculate, games educational. I promised myself I wouldn’t care about such matters, I’d be the ultimate chilled Mum but I worked out quickly that SOME structure is needed and in fact children like it.
    Charlene recently posted…Get a ring sling: Guest Post From Julie DutraMy Profile

    1. Hi Charlene. I agree. It is all about balance. Children do benefit from structure as long as it doesn’t stifle their own personality and need for creativity. Thanks for commenting.

    1. Hi Lindsay. It is impossible to fit everything in that we feel we ‘should’. It is important when we feel the way you describe to actually acknowledge what we do well at maybe even writing a list of all those things that we do for the family, even if it is not playing with the kids. when we can see the amount we do without even thinking about it, we can start to give ourselves a break. sometimes it also helps us prioritise things differently.

      It is something I have heard from other mums too, this idea that they should be able to fit in lots of playing on top of everything else. Many of us just cant. I think it is an idea that is of this time. Going back many of our parents didn’t feel this. I personally feel that it is great to play with our kids but they don’t need huge amounts of time. 10 to 15 minutes of dedicated mum time goes a very long way for a child.

  24. There are ways in which motherhood has surprised me. I had no idea how naturally I’d take to it. I never imagined that I’d come to trust my parenting instincts, since I had my guard up against falling into my parents’ patterns. It never occurred to me that I’d genuinely LIKE my children in addition to loving them. I knew it would be rewarding, but I had no idea how rewarding.

    In other ways, it’s been just as I expected. On the educational front, everything has gone precisely as I imagined. My girls were early readers, are intellectually curious, and love school. We share most interests: music, literature, science, spending time with friends, travel, etc.

    I still can’t quite believe how close we are. At age 9, I expected my daughters to start pulling away from me, but we just keep getting closer. I’m also constantly amazed by how well my daughters understand my parenting choices. Even when I’m strict, they know I have their well being at heart.
    Sadia recently posted…Twinkly Tuesday – June 2, 2015My Profile

    1. Hi Sadia, That is great to hear. When we have not wanted to raise our children in the way we were raised it can cause concern in us. also if we were not happy growing up it colours our ideas of what family life is. It is wonderful that you found it a natural progression. I sounds like you have a great relationship with your girls. Thanks for commenting.

  25. What a wonderfully written and interesting post. My motherhood never turned out the way I had planned it all my life – the whole thing had to be ripped up when I split up with my daughters father when she was only 3 months. It is completely different this time with our losses and trying for a baby. You can plan all you want but generally it doesn’t go according to! Thank you or linking to PoCoLo x
    Verily Victoria Vocalises recently posted…Bold. A Photography and Poetry Prompt.My Profile

    1. You are so right Victoria. Things so often don’t go to plan and it is about how we adapt to this. Some adaptations are very hard as yours must have been. Such a massive upheaval at a vulnerable time with a new baby is undoubtedly really tough. Thank you for hosting and commenting.

  26. I’m certainly not the kind of father I thought I would be. I’d always been uncomfortable around friends’ kids but from the moment our first child was born I’ve been fairly hands on as a dad. I’ve cut back on the amount of time I spend at work. I’m much more tactile with the kids than I ever have been before. And I love the little challenges and rewards that come from spending time with the kids, working through their problems and understanding what makes them tick. Suddenly I get *it*, in a way I never did before.
    Tim recently posted…Wednesday Words of Wisdom: A voice, not an echoMy Profile

    1. Hi Tim, What a great comment. I am there with you in that. Having not expected to particularly take to it, I really have. I really like your point about the working through their problems and understanding what makes them tick. It is a joy to discover what works for our kids. Thanks

  27. Interesting post – I definitely think we have a preconception before the event whatever rthast maybe. Likewise with yourself never imagined having children until I got together with my hubby. Being autistic it is not something that comes natural and I am more the type of person to be harder ideas of what I would be as a mother. It is definitely journey and really changes you as a person. #sharewithme
    mummy here and there recently posted…Reasons why I love the internetMy Profile

    1. Thanks very much for your comment. It is amazing how being a parent changes us. We can not know that before hand. thank you very much for adding to this conversation.

    1. Thanks Meredith for your comment and hosting. The reality can take adjusting to. When we allow ourselves to be human then we can start to relax into the role.

  28. Motherhood was nowhere near what I was expecting. As you said you don’t know until you are one. That is why it really winds me up when people who have no children, think they know better than the parent!
    This is a great post.

    Thanks so much for linking up with #justanotherlinky Hope too see you again Sunday!
    Beth recently posted…Monthly Round Up | MayMy Profile

    1. Yes, I know exactly what you mean about those people who have no kids. Generally parents with children are more flexible because they know how complex it is (but not all). It is such an ongoing process isn’t it? Having a second child has taught me even more. I thought i had a good handle on what children need until son number two came and was completely different. thanks for your comment.

  29. The view I had on motherhood is the same as I am currently living but the view I had on what type of mother I would be is far from what I am in reality. I thought I would be patience, understanding and never shout. But with two toddlers on my hands 24/7 and working from home this is so far from the fantasy for sure. lol Thanks for linking up to Share With Me. #sharewithme
    jenny recently posted…Advice to my childrenMy Profile

    1. Hi Jenny. This is something I hear over and over particularly with regard to patience. Before kids it is so easy to imagine eternal patience but once we have done it 24 7 for a while we realise it is not humanly possible to be the eternally patient mother of our dreams. Thanks for sharing your experiences.

  30. I can totally resonate with this post. In fact I’ve been writing a similar one myself. I’ve recently been thinking a lot about the type of mother I turned out to be. I certainly had other visions pre baby but then they get to 3 and everything you thought about parenting goes out the window. And sometimes it’s hard to adjust to being a different parent to what you imagined you’d be! #sundaystars
    Natasha recently posted…Chickenshed – Tales Big Day OutMy Profile

    1. Hi Natasha. I am glad this resonated with you. It can be hard to adjust but all the learning we get about ourselves is of value even if we feel we don’t live up to our own expectations. We just cant know what being a mother is until we are one. No one could teach us it before hand. We find out through doing it. Thank you for adding to this discussion.

    1. That is lovely to hear Kaz. There can be a deep satisfaction in children. For all the challenges I find it very fulfilling. Thanks for commenting and hosting.

  31. I don’t think any thing can prepare you for Motherhood really, or how you are going to react to it. It’s full of highs and lows, but the thing I enjoy most is the unconditional love you share with your children. That makes it all worth it. Thanks for linking up with #MyFavouritePost
    Zena’s Suitcase recently posted…#MySundayPhotoMy Profile

    1. Hi Zena, I so agree. Unconditional love is amazing. It is such a powerful force and it makes all the challenges more than worth while in the long run. Thanks for commenting and hosting.

    1. Thank you for those kind words. I love hearing how you ‘just knew’ you would be a mum. It is so different from my own experience which was rather the opposite. I think that life long knowledge gives you a different starting point to motherhood. It is very interesting how varied our expectations are.

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