The Art of Motherhood

artformI love straight forward abstract ideas. They have a great way of cutting through all the noise of life and condensing things to something clear and easy to remember.

There is one idea that came to me quite a while ago that I wish I had understood when I was a new mum with my first baby. It is this.

Motherhood is an art not a science.

Let me explain how it would have helped.

Motherhood is and art, not a science. Click To Tweet

When we create something new, a piece of art work maybe or making an experimental curry (for those who are more drawn to the culinary arts), we understand that

1) We have to work with the paint (or ingredients) that we have

2) There will be some trial and error involved

3) We might need to change our plans

4) We will, at times, doubt ourselves because we have never done it before

and most importantly

5) That what we are creating is unique and so can’t totally be compared to anything else

Raising a child is also a creative process like painting a picture. It doesn’t follow a set pattern or any specific system. There are no formulas for getting a specific result like X+Y=Z.

X+Y with one child will equal Z but with another it will equal T and for another child X+Y is just not appropriate.

We work with the raw materials that we have, namely ourselves and our children. We doubt ourselves at times, which is all normal because much of it is trial and error and we frequently have to learn and adjust our plans.

We are all parenting our children in our own way which is based around a unique relationship. It is great to learn and get guidance from those around but essentially we are creating something new and original with each child, so there are no set answers.

It is normal to doubt ourselves because there are no set answers or when it comes to parenting Click To Tweet

The more we accept that there is no formula and certainly no ‘right way‘ the easier it is for us. It allows us to embrace what we are as parents rather than what we think we ‘should’ be.

When we are freed up from attempting to meet everyone else’s expectations, we can start allowing parenting to be the creative process that it is. We can stop looking for ‘the’ answers and instead find ‘our’ own answers.

I would love to hear what you think of this statement ‘Motherhood is an art not a science’. Have there been any ideas or quotes that have helped you with being a mum? If you leave a comment below I will reply as soon as I can. Thanks for reading. Kirsten

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58 thoughts on “The Art of Motherhood

    1. Yes Yes Catherine, I am so pleased you got it and I like your idea. Some days it just doesn’t seen to go right no matter what you do but others are wonderful and we feel we have created something amazing. I love it. thank you. Kirsten

        1. Hi Harps, It is a pleasing idea and one that can be helpful when we are feeling under pressure. Thanks for commenting and hosting. Kirsten

  1. This is awesome! When my teenager was diagnosed with Autism, I had absolutely no idea what Autism really was or how I was going to continue to raise my child with something I knew nothing about. When I figured out my way of raising him, to not let his disability hold him back but to also be aware of some sensitivities that he will always have, I started getting better at the parenting thing. Just when I got myself in a groove with him, I had my baby bear and he is a completely different kid. He is talkative, opinionated, and very G.I. Joe-like, while my teenager is laid back, quiet, and more reserved. They both have their dreams and while my teenager has Autism, my baby bear has ADHD so I am really dealing with two completely different kids but watching them grow up and become their own people, in spite of the mistakes I have made along the way, is really so rewarding. I never thought of it as an art, which you would thing I would because music is huge in my house but now that you bring it up, it really is. Thanks for sharing this! Great post!
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    1. Hi Michelle, I am glad you can relate to the concept. It is one that really pleases me! You have clearly had to develop a huge amount of flexibility and creativity in dealing with the different personalities of your sons. In creating our own path we all make mistakes but it is part of the process. What counts is that you keep on creating and adapting and ultimately trusting in yourself and them. Thank you as always for your support and sharing your expereinces so openly and honestly. Kirsten

    1. Thank you Whine or Wine (What a great name by the way). When we have a child who is very different from us it can be mystifying at times. I am glad you can see the creativity in raising children. Best of luck with your second child. From my experience it can be both challenging and really interesting to have a child who is so different. Kirsten

    1. Hi Kathleen, Probably. Maybe we should all just accept that life is Art and be done with it:-) Thanks for your comment. Kirsten

    1. Julia, I do know what you mean. There are times when I long for a correct answer, one I know is correct and that will work! But most of the time I am happy that we are all different even though it is complex at times!! Thanks for commenting. Kirsten

    1. I don’t know what the Joan Crawford Tales of Motherhood are but I agree with the gist that there are some wrong things to do with children. However there is no right either. There are a whole range of approaches that are good and we need to do what seems right to us. Thanks for your comment Mrs Tubbs. Kirsten

    1. Hi Victoria, I love it when the definition of art is broadened from the narrow terms of painting and writing etc to what it really is, something that we all do, which is create our own way in life. thanks for commenting and hosting. Kirsten

    1. Thank you Melanie. I am so glad you can see what I mean. I was unsure if it would appeal to anyone else but it seems it does. Thanks for your comment. Kirsten

    1. It can be a joy to stop trying to do what is right and just get creative, can’t it. Thanks for your comment Tanya.

  2. It’s a beautiful concept, I believe that when we listen to our intuative voice we are closer to practicing the ‘art’ of motherhood. Like all relationships, the one we have with our children is about understanding, love and listening and those qualities require the greatest trust. To trust to our inner voice, to believe in our maternal instincts and to have faith in yourself. Great post kirsten #mummyandus
    Lisa recently posted…Own The Change You Want to AchieveMy Profile

    1. What a lovely comment Lisa. Listening to our intuitive voice is so important but it can be hard to do when there is too much noise going on (like the ‘shoulds’ we all feel). For me personally it is something I have got better at as I have gone along. Kirsten

    1. It can be a joy to navigate our way through, finding our own solution (confusing at times too). i would agree about the colours! Thank you for visiting The Guilt Free Guide. Kirsten

    1. I think changing plans is so necessary being a mum. what we expect doesn’t always work out and I mean what we expect from ourselves and our children too. Thanks for your comment. I have no babies either but still feel like it is an Art. Kirsten

  3. Always love your posts, you make me think and reflect. I can’t say there is a quote that helped me, it was more something my baby health nurse said to me when my third child was a baby. I was so stressed about not being the perfect mum, and having the perfect house to go along with it and she said to me “in years time you won’t remember which day you didn’t make the beds”, it made me realise that the housework and silly things could wait whilst my kids got their hugs, they deserved a happy, and present mum, not a perfectly tidy house. Thanks for your post #mummyandus
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    1. That was a great piece of advice. It is so easy to have these things pushed out by the massive list of chores that we need to do. that is advice worth handing on. Great to hear from you Mackenzie. Kirsten

  4. Really like this thought. There are definitely no set rules that we as parents can follow. As you say we can take guidance from others but ultimately we’ll find a style that works for our children and us.
    #TwinklyTuesday

    1. Hi Alex. Guidance is the word. As long as we see it as that then when know we can be creative and do our own thing with it. Thanks for commenting. Kirsten

    1. Hi Anita, I agree. There are things children have in common and so do we as parents. We can certainly learn from each other and from understanding good principals. However it is also great to be creative within that. Thanks for commenting. I look forward to reading your post on getting children to talk about school. Kirsten

  5. I was just talking with Katie at Growing Up Kater Tot about a phrase I always keep in mind when my kids have created a mess in the house…”Excuse The Mess, My Kids Are Busy Making Memories”. I love this quote and live by it often. When I was younger I lived with my grandparents who kept a very tidy house and I spent a lot of time in my room. As much as it drives my husband crazy there are some days that I just let the kids be kids and make a mess. Thank you so much for sharing this with #momsterslink. Always enjoy having you!
    Trista recently posted…~19 Crimes Wine~My Profile

    1. I had not heard that Trista and it is great. Like you I grew up in a very tidy environment and the mess can get to be a stress but when I connect to the fun that the children are having then I realise it doesn’t matter. Kirsten

    1. Hi Sadia, Your point is so important. A child is who they are, their own person and that is both the joy and challenge of parenting. Thanks. Kirsten

  6. So beautifully explained Kristen…I will remember this the next time someone tries to drag kiddo to an unfair comparison and I start feeling bad about it….work of art indeed and he is my very own masterpiece in the making..very well said!!

    1. Hi Daisy. I like your comment about your child being a masterpiece. If we all view it like that then we can let go of those comparisons. Thanks for adding to this conversation. Kirsten

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