I love straight forward abstract ideas. They have a great way of cutting through all the noise of life and condensing things to something clear and easy to remember.
There is one idea that came to me quite a while ago that I wish I had understood when I was a new mum with my first baby. It is this.
Motherhood is an art not a science.
Let me explain how it would have helped.
Motherhood is and art, not a science. Click To TweetWhen we create something new, a piece of art work maybe or making an experimental curry (for those who are more drawn to the culinary arts), we understand that
1) We have to work with the paint (or ingredients) that we have
2) There will be some trial and error involved
3) We might need to change our plans
4) We will, at times, doubt ourselves because we have never done it before
and most importantly
5) That what we are creating is unique and so can’t totally be compared to anything else
Raising a child is also a creative process like painting a picture. It doesn’t follow a set pattern or any specific system. There are no formulas for getting a specific result like X+Y=Z.
X+Y with one child will equal Z but with another it will equal T and for another child X+Y is just not appropriate.
We work with the raw materials that we have, namely ourselves and our children. We doubt ourselves at times, which is all normal because much of it is trial and error and we frequently have to learn and adjust our plans.
We are all parenting our children in our own way which is based around a unique relationship. It is great to learn and get guidance from those around but essentially we are creating something new and original with each child, so there are no set answers.
It is normal to doubt ourselves because there are no set answers or when it comes to parenting Click To TweetThe more we accept that there is no formula and certainly no ‘right way‘ the easier it is for us. It allows us to embrace what we are as parents rather than what we think we ‘should’ be.
When we are freed up from attempting to meet everyone else’s expectations, we can start allowing parenting to be the creative process that it is. We can stop looking for ‘the’ answers and instead find ‘our’ own answers.
I would love to hear what you think of this statement ‘Motherhood is an art not a science’. Have there been any ideas or quotes that have helped you with being a mum? If you leave a comment below I will reply as soon as I can. Thanks for reading. Kirsten
So what is next?
If you liked this article then you may also like:
- Milestones – Letting Go Of Our Children
- The Self-Worth Challenge
- 5 Tips For Repeated Problems With Your Children
And finally, click on the button below to keep up to date with the latest articles and offers from The Guilt-Free Guide AND receive your FREE guided visualisation ‘Mother Moments’ especially designed to give you some time for you to focus on yourself.
I really enjoyed reading this post. I’ve never thought of motherhood as an art before but now I would liken it to a potter creating a pot, some days everything goes brilliantly, other days are lopsided and somedays nothing goes right!
#PoCoLo
Catherine recently posted…Harper And The Scarlet Umbrella by Cerrie Burnell & Laura Ellen Anderson
Yes Yes Catherine, I am so pleased you got it and I like your idea. Some days it just doesn’t seen to go right no matter what you do but others are wonderful and we feel we have created something amazing. I love it. thank you. Kirsten
Ah love the analogy of a potter! I totally agree with it being an art. It takes time and patience to perfect. Thank you for linking up to #babybrainmonday x
Harps recently posted…15 Month Update …
Hi Harps, It is a pleasing idea and one that can be helpful when we are feeling under pressure. Thanks for commenting and hosting. Kirsten
Fab message. If we could all bear this in mind it would cut out a lot of the ‘mummy wars’.
#binkylinky
Mama, My Kid Doesn’t Poop Rainbows recently posted…My Brain in the Middle of the Night
I agree Mama, although I hadn’t thought of that. Thanks for making such a good point. Kirsten
This is awesome! When my teenager was diagnosed with Autism, I had absolutely no idea what Autism really was or how I was going to continue to raise my child with something I knew nothing about. When I figured out my way of raising him, to not let his disability hold him back but to also be aware of some sensitivities that he will always have, I started getting better at the parenting thing. Just when I got myself in a groove with him, I had my baby bear and he is a completely different kid. He is talkative, opinionated, and very G.I. Joe-like, while my teenager is laid back, quiet, and more reserved. They both have their dreams and while my teenager has Autism, my baby bear has ADHD so I am really dealing with two completely different kids but watching them grow up and become their own people, in spite of the mistakes I have made along the way, is really so rewarding. I never thought of it as an art, which you would thing I would because music is huge in my house but now that you bring it up, it really is. Thanks for sharing this! Great post!
Michelle recently posted…What Does Friendship Really Mean? Part 2
Hi Michelle, I am glad you can relate to the concept. It is one that really pleases me! You have clearly had to develop a huge amount of flexibility and creativity in dealing with the different personalities of your sons. In creating our own path we all make mistakes but it is part of the process. What counts is that you keep on creating and adapting and ultimately trusting in yourself and them. Thank you as always for your support and sharing your expereinces so openly and honestly. Kirsten
There is no pattern or formula!! That was the best! All kids are different and my second one has baffled me!!! Great blog and summed up perfectly!! Whine or wine xxx
Thank you Whine or Wine (What a great name by the way). When we have a child who is very different from us it can be mystifying at times. I am glad you can see the creativity in raising children. Best of luck with your second child. From my experience it can be both challenging and really interesting to have a child who is so different. Kirsten
Excellent metaphor! But you have pretty well described the scientific method as well, so I suppose that means that science is also an art.
Kathleen Lovlie, MD, FAAP recently posted…“It’s Just a Cold…”
Hi Kathleen, Probably. Maybe we should all just accept that life is Art and be done with it:-) Thanks for your comment. Kirsten
Motherhood is certainly a tough ride at times, but I like to think the good points outweigh the bad. Thanks for linking up to the #BinkyLinky
Emily recently posted…Frozen 6-in-1 Game Review and Competition!
Hi Emily, Oh yes, I agree, we wouldn’t have it any different. Kirsten
Parenting is definitely something which needs flexibility and a lot of patience! I certainly don’t think there are magic formulas, though sometimes I wish there were! Thanks for linking with #sundaystars
Julia @ Rainbeaubelle recently posted…Changing seasons and Sunday Stars
Julia, I do know what you mean. There are times when I long for a correct answer, one I know is correct and that will work! But most of the time I am happy that we are all different even though it is complex at times!! Thanks for commenting. Kirsten
Really interesting post great read never looked at motherhood like that thanks for linking to the binkylinky
Nige Higgins recently posted…Top tips to help your child to sleep
Thanks for commenting Nige. I am glad it was food for thought. Kirsten
This is so true as there are so many ways of mothering and they’re all right. (Well, apart from the ones from the Joan Crawford Tales of Motherhood). #pocolo
Mrs Tubbs recently posted…The Unexpected Adventures of Doctor Who: Star Wars?! #MySundayPhoto
I don’t know what the Joan Crawford Tales of Motherhood are but I agree with the gist that there are some wrong things to do with children. However there is no right either. There are a whole range of approaches that are good and we need to do what seems right to us. Thanks for your comment Mrs Tubbs. Kirsten
Another great post Kirsten. You are so right – anything creative and beautiful is an art to me and that perfectly sums up having a child and being a mum. Thank you for linking to #PoCoLo x
Verily Victoria Vocalises recently posted…15 DIY Tips PLUS WIN 2 Great Prizes in a DickiesStores Giveaway. Ends 10am 30/10/15.
Hi Victoria, I love it when the definition of art is broadened from the narrow terms of painting and writing etc to what it really is, something that we all do, which is create our own way in life. thanks for commenting and hosting. Kirsten
Indeed parenting is an art form. One where we craft and mold never being sure of the outcome. Love your work. Mel xx #ManicMondaysBlogHop
Melanie Greenhalgh recently posted…Judgement is a dirty word
Thank you Melanie. I am so glad you can see what I mean. I was unsure if it would appeal to anyone else but it seems it does. Thanks for your comment. Kirsten
Kirsten, please just keep these coming – chicken soup for the mother soul! #AnythingGoes
Talya recently posted…The 10 stages of grey hair discovery
Thank you Talya. I feel the same about yours. I wish I had them when I was a new mum.
I totally agree. You often have to get creative when it comes to motherhood.
Tanya recently posted…My top 5 home educating essentials
It can be a joy to stop trying to do what is right and just get creative, can’t it. Thanks for your comment Tanya.
It’s a beautiful concept, I believe that when we listen to our intuative voice we are closer to practicing the ‘art’ of motherhood. Like all relationships, the one we have with our children is about understanding, love and listening and those qualities require the greatest trust. To trust to our inner voice, to believe in our maternal instincts and to have faith in yourself. Great post kirsten #mummyandus
Lisa recently posted…Own The Change You Want to Achieve
What a lovely comment Lisa. Listening to our intuitive voice is so important but it can be hard to do when there is too much noise going on (like the ‘shoulds’ we all feel). For me personally it is something I have got better at as I have gone along. Kirsten
Beautiful words…i couldn’t agree more. life as a mom of a 1 year old has become a masterpiece filled with the brightest colors 🙂
#mummymonday sorry forgot to mention that
riddhi recently posted…Smilicious Quote
Thanks. Kirsten
It can be a joy to navigate our way through, finding our own solution (confusing at times too). i would agree about the colours! Thank you for visiting The Guilt Free Guide. Kirsten
My youngest is 4 now so I’ve no babies as such anymore. But I can relate and agree with all of this. Love point number 3 – you need to change your plans. #pocolo
Raising Mighty Girls recently posted…#LittleLoves with The MAC, Memorable Moments and Make Believe
I think changing plans is so necessary being a mum. what we expect doesn’t always work out and I mean what we expect from ourselves and our children too. Thanks for your comment. I have no babies either but still feel like it is an Art. Kirsten
Always love your posts, you make me think and reflect. I can’t say there is a quote that helped me, it was more something my baby health nurse said to me when my third child was a baby. I was so stressed about not being the perfect mum, and having the perfect house to go along with it and she said to me “in years time you won’t remember which day you didn’t make the beds”, it made me realise that the housework and silly things could wait whilst my kids got their hugs, they deserved a happy, and present mum, not a perfectly tidy house. Thanks for your post #mummyandus
Mackenzie Glanville recently posted…Spring days #mummy and us
That was a great piece of advice. It is so easy to have these things pushed out by the massive list of chores that we need to do. that is advice worth handing on. Great to hear from you Mackenzie. Kirsten
Really like this thought. There are definitely no set rules that we as parents can follow. As you say we can take guidance from others but ultimately we’ll find a style that works for our children and us.
#TwinklyTuesday
Hi Alex. Guidance is the word. As long as we see it as that then when know we can be creative and do our own thing with it. Thanks for commenting. Kirsten
What a wonderful analogy! You are so right. There certainly is science behind parenting in the sense that we define certain boundaries of what tends to be good for children, but how you apply that in your own unique situation with your own unique child is most certainly a reflective and thoughtful art. #TwinklyTuesday
Anita Cleare recently posted…Best questions to get children to talk about school!
Hi Anita, I agree. There are things children have in common and so do we as parents. We can certainly learn from each other and from understanding good principals. However it is also great to be creative within that. Thanks for commenting. I look forward to reading your post on getting children to talk about school. Kirsten
I absolutely love this… so very true! There is no one equation to fit every family!
Stephanie recently posted…5 Tips for Capturing the Everyday
Thanks Stephanie. I am glad it rings true for you. Kirsten
I was just talking with Katie at Growing Up Kater Tot about a phrase I always keep in mind when my kids have created a mess in the house…”Excuse The Mess, My Kids Are Busy Making Memories”. I love this quote and live by it often. When I was younger I lived with my grandparents who kept a very tidy house and I spent a lot of time in my room. As much as it drives my husband crazy there are some days that I just let the kids be kids and make a mess. Thank you so much for sharing this with #momsterslink. Always enjoy having you!
Trista recently posted…~19 Crimes Wine~
I had not heard that Trista and it is great. Like you I grew up in a very tidy environment and the mess can get to be a stress but when I connect to the fun that the children are having then I realise it doesn’t matter. Kirsten
What a great way of looking at it. I like how evryone will have a different painting, it’s all unique, like our families and our lives. Thanks for linking to #PickNMix
Mummyandmonkeys recently posted…On Trend Ankle Boots to make your feet happy with Brantano
I’m glad this was a useful perspective. Thanks for commenting. Kirsten
This is a fantastic post and I totally agree with all of your reasons. Science has one tried and tested answer, where motherhood doesn’t – each baby is different.
Thanks for linking up to #AnythingGoes
Debbie
Random Musings recently posted…Play Mobil Pirate Toy. Is It Racist?
Thanks Debbie. It is amazing how different we are. there is no ‘normal’
Yes, precisely! I often tell people that the greatest gift that having identical twins has given me is recognizing that every child has to be parented for who they are, not what the parent expected. Thanks for linking with #TwinklyTuesday.
Sadia recently posted…Twinfant Tuesday: How Drive Thrus Can Save Your Sanity
Hi Sadia, Your point is so important. A child is who they are, their own person and that is both the joy and challenge of parenting. Thanks. Kirsten
So beautifully explained Kristen…I will remember this the next time someone tries to drag kiddo to an unfair comparison and I start feeling bad about it….work of art indeed and he is my very own masterpiece in the making..very well said!!
Hi Daisy. I like your comment about your child being a masterpiece. If we all view it like that then we can let go of those comparisons. Thanks for adding to this conversation. Kirsten
This is such a lovely post. Well put and so true. One method is not always right all the time and it can not be used or imposed on others. #MyFavouritePost
Su {Ethan & Evelyn} recently posted…My Urban Surfer Autumn Fashion Wish List
Thanks Su. I am glad it rings true for you. I wish I had known sooner. Kirsten
Motherhood is one part art, one part instinct, and two parts shear will power (we’ve all been there) 🙂 Great post, Kirsten.
Elle C. Mayberry recently posted…Why Do Kids Test Our Patience? How Do We Pass The Test?
Hi Elle, I agree, will power is really needed. Thanks for commenting. Kirsten