The love for our children is like no other. It is a special and unique feeling that we can only have for our kids. It is unconditional. They can scream, keep us awake, be sick on us and draw on the walls but we still love them.
The love we feel is amazing but it comes with a huge amount of responsibility.
We are in charge. In some ways we can feel more vulnerable than ever before. We have these little people who are totally reliant on everything we do. And at the same time we are so emotionally reliant on them being okay too.
This is where having others around us who also love our children is deeply reassuring. Seeing our partner, family and even friends interact and connect with our little ones is heartening and it makes that sense of responsibility a little lighter.
The joint love and shared concerns can bring relationships closer together. Our lives merge with our families somewhat. The advent of children means that we have similar aims and something to feel mutual joy over.
Many of the Mums I interviewed spoke of changes in their relationships once they had children. Families that other wise met occasionally were gelled together by the love of the children. Partner relationships were certainly strained by the additional work and responsibility, yet the shared love and sense of being a family also brought a new closeness and direction.
With time it is also wonderful to see those relationships that our children have with others develop. Witnessing them bond with other adults and get different things from them each person is amazing.Having others around us who love our children is deeply reassuring Click To Tweet
Occasionally it can be hard to see the love our child has for someone else particularly when it feels preferential. The ‘only wanting Daddy moments’ (or vice versa) or the “I love Granny more than you” statements are not easy. But with time we realise that the benefits of them having a bond with another far outweighs those odd times of hurt.
There are always challenges to relationships that the advent of children will not change. Long term resentments can be hard to work through and the addition of children can actually make this feel more intense. When there is conflict or just a difference of opinion it is tough (particularly when it is over the care of our kids). However, sometimes children can make it more worthwhile to work on the relationship difficulties, allowing the dynamic to change and mature.
For some of us unfortunately there are destructive people in our lives that will never be helpful or reassuring. Some Mothers I have met have chosen to distance themselves from very damaging connections once they have had children. Their new responsibilities helped them make that move because they could see that caring for their kids and themselves was paramount.
Our children will always be our responsibility. Yet having others who share in that helps in so many ways.
Who else loves your children? Has that been of comfort to you? Has it brought any difficulties with it? I would love to hear about your experiences. I reply to every comment.
So what is next?
If you liked this article then you may also like:
- Parents – Can you describe the love?
- To All Mothers With Young Children
- Learning About Ourselves Through Motherhood
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