We all want to be the perfect mother for our children, of course, because we love them. We do our absolute best. Sometimes we can feel happy about our efforts but sometimes it can be hard to feel that we are doing well enough.
It can be so easy to believe we are failing, particularly when we see other women who seem to be doing a better job than us. But what is this ideal that we feel we need to live up to?
At those times when we feel like we are failing it is worth stopping to consider what it is that we think we ’should’ be.
There is not one perfect set up or style of parenting. Let’s take as an example, a familiar point of difference; a working mum and a stay at home mum. A stay-at-home mum might see a working mum and think she is being a better role model and is able to juggle more. A working mum might see the stay-at-home mum and think she is doing better because she is more available for her kids.
The truth: there is no better, there is just what is right for each family. For some women, working helps them feel better about themselves and so they then enjoy time with their kids more than if they were at home all the time. For some, it is a necessity and staves off the stress of money concerns with all that entails. For other mothers, being a stay-at-home mum feels essential and they would not want to juggle more than their family in those early years. Whilst for some, it is the only practical way to manage childcare. There are millions more reasons that women choose to do what they do, and that is it, it is just choices.There is no right way to be a parent, there is just your way Click To Tweet
There is no right or wrong way, there is just your way. We make our choices in life and when they are no longer right for us then we may need to make other choices.
Of course, it is good to assess our situation and consider the decisions we have made along the way. Learning from other women and having role models can be a great thing. But comparing ourselves in a manor that diminishes how we feel about ourselves invalidates the significance of who we are as people. We are all just muddling through doing our best with what life gives us. If we learn something new and decide to change track, then all the better. That is life and growth and the two go together.
So if we can’t be perfect mothers then is there something we can do to be the best mothers possible? Well there is no definitive answer to that. Each family has different circumstances and needs which differ greatly. But there are some needs that are fairly universal.
Being loved and feeling secure in that love is important for all children. The details of how we go about that are as varied as the individuals who make the choices. But those choices are not just about children.
What we juggle on a daily basis is a family dynamic. We all have our own needs. If we only ever saw to our children’s needs and were miserable ourselves it would not help them in the long run. We need to consider the family as a unit and all its individual members, which includes ourselves.
Of course, mothers and parents delay and defer many things that they want to do for the good of their children, particularly in the early years. But there needs to be some balance over time.
Through the media we are fed so much information on children’s needs (which are important) but we must add to that the needs of the other members of the family too. What is good for the family as a whole is good for children.What is good for the family as a whole is good for children. Click To Tweet
So back to those times when we are striving to be the perfect mother and feel like we are failing. Maybe in those moments we should stop and challenge that inner voice, giving ourselves a break and some respect for the choices we have made along the way. We can acknowledge that we don’t need to pursue being a perfect mother because what our children need most is ‘us’, flaws and all.What our children need most is us, flaws and all Click To Tweet
Do you try to be a perfect parent? do you question your choices as a Mother? Or can you see your own needs as important too? I would love to hear what you think on any of this post.
So what is next?
If you liked this article then you may also like:
And finally, click on the button below to keep up to date with the latest articles and offers from The Guilt-Free Guide AND receive your FREE guided visualisation ‘Mother Moments’ especially designed to give you some time for you to focus on yourself.